Ben Barren - Confessions of a Mad Man

Category Archives: Recession

Fulcrum Evil; Leslie Nassar 140 Character Dooced; The Intersect May Not Be Safe.

Posted by Ben Barren on March 26, 2009 – 9:16 am

Filed under Recession

General Beckman Debrief.

We have a Code Red breaking issue of national importance; About 90 minutes ago, Leslie Nassar : Australia’s first social media (faux) celebrity @stephenconroy was caught up to by Fulcrum operatives and decommissioned. It was relatively painless, he had got off a plane 36 minutes earlier being none the wiser to the news, altho there had been leaks from Fulcrum which had alerted him; “Just landed in Sydney. If I have been fired, nobody has told me about it.“

We are sill trying to ascertain whether The Intersect has fallen into Fulcrum’s hands. It is indeed worrying : “Fulcrum was responsible for the operation that prompted Bryce Larkin to destroy the First Intersect^[2]. On another mission, one of their agents (posing as a pita delivery girl) discovered that Chuck Bartowski had the intersect in his brain. She didn’t have time to tell her superiors^[3]. Fulcrum also hired mercenaries, led by Mr. Colt, to break into the NSA labs and steal the cypher, a new artificial brain for the second intersect. Fulcrum was also responsible (perhaps indirectly) for sabotaging the cypher^[4]Fulcrum’s ulltimate goal with the Intersect is unknown, but it has been implied through conversations with hem that they believe they are protecting the governent by using it themselves. Furthermore, one agent, when accused by Casey of being a traitor, claims they are patriots.”

It is now expected that Fulcrum will stop at nothing to exterminate all social media. There is a system override which we believe Orion put in place for this situation, that will result in the self-destruction of the whole system. We suspect the Codename : Internet Clean Filter, is indeed a virus in every Australian household that will be turned into a Zombie Attack resembling Shaun of the Dead. iPrimus an alpha tester is a known Fulcrum associate.

It was time we got Leslie Nassar out of the Buymore. He is under instructions to keep his cover, and bring down Fulcrum by any means necessary.

It is possible we will have to let Fulcrum believe that Leslie is alive and working for them : “Yes, let’s all “go ahead”. We all want better things, and as (redacted’s hehe i just wanted to use redacted) CEO, I’ll make sure that we have more better things than anyone else.”

Leslie the double agent spook : Fulcrum CEO

For now, we will need to send Leslie to the lockdown underground Code Red bunker. Hopefully he wont have to stay there for 20 years like Bartowski. It’s for his own protection, we don’t want that aggressive contractor from HR outplacement, doing an exit interview : “So how do you feel about your time at Fulcrum, and the manner by which you are leaving ?” 360 interview my ass. Oh well Leslie, it’s not often u get to substantially affect the stock price of a major criminal organisation such as Fulcrum.

It is important for Mr Nassar to watch out for any out of work actors from the Lethal Weapon set of movies. They are actually Fulcrum hit men.

We have already lost good men Mr Leslie Nassar AKA Fake @StephenConroy. Do not let Fulcrum get you : Even if u have to live your life on the run, it is better than letting The Intersect getting into the wrong hands.

We dont think the Buy More is safe at present; We are establishing a safe perimeter at Crazy Johns in Cabramatta - I’m sure we can find you some work there in order to keep up the cover. This is another sad day for Australia’s uncompetitive telecommunications, internet and innovation related industries. Soon Fulcrum will be broken up into wholesale and retail, there will be a competitive Acacia network, and we will place our own people (thats you Mr Conroy) into the running of Fulcrum. We will then be in control of both sides. And social media consultants can be hired for peanuts to say anything.

This message will selfdestruct in 5 seconds. Remember, every1 is involved.

“Playtime is over… It’s time for you to become a spy.” -General Beckman

DaBaGirls are #Lost w/ #Damages in LALA_Land

Posted by Ben Barren on February 27, 2009 – 7:23 am

Filed under Recession, TV

The Hooker and The Trader are Yakking it up, but now the Lawyer is trying to get the Kendrick joost.

So #Damages Season 2 is getting damn good. Latest S2E8 ep’ere (and first 7 eps of S2 as well). I was hooked from Ep.1, well I was hooked from Series 1 but the return has been great - It’s all an allstar cast - Glenn Close, Rose Byrne, Ted Danson and the Damages regulars (like the hitman from The Wire newspaper + father of crazy chick in Flight of Conchords), with new additions like William Hurt, and couple of the Wire actors - Lester Freeman as the go between for Walt Kendrick who is the closeted police commissioner on The Wire. One kewl bonus bout Damages is it comes out Australia Thursday night, same time as #Lost (latest S5E7 ere) and both use flashforward_back technique - to create an overall picture of what is/isn’t going on now/in_future/past. So it’s 90 minutes of great viewing. Sure it will come on Australian TV with 20 minutes of ads per hours in um 6 months maybe… or not.

3 months later : Does Ellen Shoot Patty or more likely some1else shoots some1else as Damages needs Glenn Close.

The Damages east coast worldview (beautifully contrasted when they go to LaLaLand) is classically well postmodernly captured by Dating a Banker Anonymous “Are you or someone you love dating a banker? If so, we are here to support you through these difficult times. Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA) is a safe place where women can come together – free from the scrutiny of feminists– and share their tearful tales of how the mortgage meltdown has affected their relationships.” - i luv this blog, its totally get optioned for some type of Nanny Diaries/He’s Just Not that into You recessionary hollywood romcom, here they post LA vs NY :

“The men confidently lean back in their chairs, puff on their cigars, and smile at each other knowingly. Their eyes are saying, New York is so over. But, their demeanor is so confident we realize that maybe they’re not comparing themselves to our revered bankers. Maybe, just maybe, they don’t even care about their NYC counterparts. Looking around the table we realize that these guys aren’t just media men, they’re the banking guys from the 80’s. The mythical men that we moved to New York in search of. Rock solid in their decisions, overly confident in their abilities (I mean, what do agents actually do?), and totally handsome. We’re sold. (Five points LA.)” As Lilly Allen Says of LA : ““I signed my publishing deal at Stringfellows and had a private dance. One of the naked ones. “And I went to Spearmint Rhino the other day — for six hours. I’ve had lapdances there. It’s fun. I like having a chat with the strippers.””

Whatever they say lost is getting damn good2 - Required Thursday viewing with Damages : “Okay, so if I have my time travel math right, Jack, Kate and Hurley are back in the ’70s with Jin, Dan and company (and, I’m hopimg, Rose, Bernard and Vincent), while the rest of Ajira 316 — including the resurrected Locke, Ben, Caesar, Ilana, Frank Lapidus and, I’m assuming, Sun — are on the beach in the present. Frank and a woman (again, likely Sun) took off in one of the outriggers, and I wouldn’t be surprised at all to see them shooting at Sawyer an episode or two from now.”

As Lilly Allen Says of LA : “I signed my publishing deal at Stringfellows and had a private dance. One of the naked ones. “And I went to Spearmint Rhino the other day — for six hours. I’ve had lapdances there. It’s fun. I like having a chat with the strippers.”

Bye Sol + Ripoff #Helstra $150/gig vs Internode topups : $1.5-$2.5 per gig; iPrimus $4-$6/gig

Posted by Ben Barren on February 26, 2009 – 11:39 am

Filed under Recession, Sneaker_Freakers

lebowski-past

So thx gawd the amigos at Telstra are finishing 1 year early; June 30 this year we are free and hopefully the 15c a megabyte ripoff internet will stop.

- Telstra’s biggest plan is 60 gig when in US unlimited/200gig plans are for light/medium users. Heavy users do 1 terabyte-ish - So 60gig on Telstra ADSL2+ users go thru it quickly then they keep using it or are shaped. Telstra is pretty fast being The Wholesale Parent Pimp Daddy It’s Al Mine Mine Mine Network which means their from under a gig (ru fkn kdding me) to (still miles too small) 60gig can go in a couple days.. whether it’s grown children visiting (grand)parents over summer, or watching YouTube clips, legal Underbelly downloads, ABC I-View etc - Or worse as people on Whirlpool find out when they leave their wifi unsecured or bittorrent client open. Then the multimonth #helstra begins. Just go with internode or day i say it primus. (200 gig for $80 if u r in city which i cant get unfortunately on primus) Telstra need to upgrade the internet plans every 6 months… the internet changes and 60gig is not enough.

#Helstra - $150 per gig Fn WOW - Just One of Many Case Studies

- Suck people in thru half price for 6 months via ‘discount’ bundling. Otherwise known as heavyarming monopolistic should be illegal anti-competition, but if u r consumer, its easier and cheaper for 6 months, well um until the fine print 15c a meg plus online meter doesnt work if u change the plan u r on mid month and helstra fks u.

- Telstra unlike nearly every other ISP dont have “topups” so u r either shaped or pay 15c a meg when over plan

- Just read The Large Excess Bill Thread on Whirlpool and realise it’s just the tip of the iceberg as the large % of people just paid the unfair bill or settled for an amount still 100x what Internode charge for additional usage or ignored it and got their credit history wrecked.

- Simple economics : Internode topups : $1.5-$2.5 per gig; iPrimus $4-$6/gig; Telstra is $150/gig (15c per meg)

- Online meter at Bigpond.com is busted if customer changes their ISP plan midmonth which Telstra conceed but not officially by giving u one excessive bill or major discount if u yell alot for along time at them : Ill just find the scan of that $3K bill on a $60 monthly plan (but Whirlpool is full of these cases) which for the whole month the usage was within normal zone according to the Bigpond online meter. So far Telstra have conceeded 5/6ths of bill… but still Telecommunication ombudsman needs to crack down further - $150 per gig... That makes a 1.4gig reasonable resolution movie cost $220. Hullo.. or goodbye Sol take yer tens of millions.

- If u choose a plan eg 25gig plan has shaping not 15c charge that can work for awhile.. but then u need internet : So u cant topup - but lets say u have to coz u need internet to work and with shaping its 4k a second and doesnt work. So u want to change up to a plan (unless u want more than 60gig then u r fkd) But dont do it after 9-5pm or 9-9pm - As there needs to be technical and billing staff available. On Primus u can topup at anytime of the day 24-7 and better yet u can loginto iprimus account and topup in a few clicks without needing a billing or technical person there. Ironically when Helstra shape u their bigpond graphics of that stoopid family on the TV ads takes ages to load, so slow in fact it doesnt load at all (waited 5 minutes at least), so u need to drive to a mcdonalds with wifi and use yer bigpond account for internet there.. But even then u cant get yer account changed immediately it takes many hours or often a day. Its amazing helstra. By then forget about your powerpoint presentation u have to email tomorrow to win that account. It’s a recession no1 incl Sol is working anyway. (Even if Sol did get a few tens of million$ from aussie tax payers)

Anyway, glad to see Sol go… What I meant to press publish on before the #helstra rant was the Polyvore set below while I was watching the series finale of Leverage, a real grower of a fun show, and also checked out Mistresses a 5m UK rating, kinda female UK version of Californication if I can make such a statement. Before Polyvore some random daily links :

- Perez Hilton doing 14m page views in one day, (via RyanSpoon.com) not a bad effort.. being 2/3rds of whole of wordpress traffic : I wonder how much traffic wordpress blogs (self and shared hosted) would do ? Must be mammoth…

- Inquisitr has the rundown on Mid Level Website Acquisition : “Online media company Internet Brands acquired four sites in the 4th quarter for a total cost of $2.8 million. The company also said in its 4th quarter and yearly results release (published at PaidContent) that it had made two small acquisitions this year, and was planning on announcing a new vertical at the end of the first quarter of 2009. The 4th quarter acquisitions mark a slow down in acquisitions for Internet Brands, with the total number for 2008 coming in at 29 sites for a total cost of $62.6 million.. The four sites acquired in the fourth quarter, with their Alexa rank today were: CVTips.com (16,941), Groovejob.com (51,883), Steve’s Digicams (14,524) and SellMyCar.com (141,611).” - Dunc or any1 with knowledge or a guess, what is the business model of the acquirer ? Do they produce profit/dividend ? Or is it a trade sale or even IPO exit strategy ?

- Eddie McGuire up’ere : This Magpie sometimes flys up bout 3 feet from my computer on the balcony. It badly wanted my cheese and tomato on rye sandwich yday, Would not leave no matter how much shooing ! What would The Dude do ?

- @DHughesy - Mr David Hughes, continues to absolutely tear Twitter up. Without full AFL season having started, Hughesy is enjoying all day twittering for real. It’s rare celebrities do that for real. He even has had his wife Holly Ife (whose book club i learn almost read Oscar Wao) - AKA Herald Sun Reporter (username @holly_jane) join, while they only have one laptop to share so they were alternating who used it to twitter, then went to bed at 845pm. Hughesy really must keep alot of money under his bed, altho he likes joking on radio he couldnt/wouldnt afford/buy shares his whole life and he entered market basically at top a few years ago and has only gone one way, south and fast. But still a good problem - having lots of $$$. Either way the pregnant with 2 pets St Kilda comedy/reporting couple are winning twitterers new and hardcore over, that’s rare. And all they had to do was invest time, do lots of updates, be yerself, give away CD’s and mention twitter for group affirmation on the daily radio show.

@DHughesy + Wife @Holly_Jane are tearing Twitter up. When will @hamishandandy respond ? hehe

Back to the Fashion Set :

Anyway in the Polyvore set there is the Fred Perry Byron Grey, SS09 Common Projects Tournament Low, plus the perforated black canvas Tournament mids, an Alife White Leather Chukka, even a classic Nike Blazer Low in White, with Black Swoosh and what they call Rave Pink. What ever happened to Purple and there is a sample of the Supra Non Skating line Burgundy Pack, is that the Trinity trifecta or what ? And dont forget the past Rayban made in Italy, Kanye wearing Super sunnies.

fogies. fogies. fogies.

Posted by Ben Barren on February 16, 2009 – 12:02 pm

Filed under Recession, Social_Networking

Some Adidas ZX Racers Any1?

When Time Magazine says something isn’t kewl, and titles the piece Why Facebook is for Fogies, then either reverse psychology applies (Facebook is for Young Hipsters), or it really isn’t. (Facebook is actually for Fogies as Filmoculous says : “I especially like that he used the word ‘fogies’. If ever there is a fogie word it is fogie.“)

United States of Tara with Toni Collette is rockn. Written by ex-stripping, blogging, twitterer Myspace @Diablo 'Juno' Cody.

U know when on the latest ep of Numb3rs Charlie’s dad is talking about joining Facebook and meeting ppl he went to school with then Facebook investors can luckily know what they have isn’t a fad. It’s just the new Linkedin; A boring necessity. And look how linkedin is kicking goals now there is a recession. (22% increase from Dec 08 to Jan 09 and a doubling of minutes spent if u can believe it, via TC?!) You would think with 175m Facebookers, the company might be able to take a page out of the mid 90’s Yahoo playbook (given they prefer to steal than come up with their own ideas) and gmail up an employment, business networking model, with a new friend of a friend referral twist.

Hustle is a gr8 show and lots of lessons on the Grift ! Otherwise known as Sales/Bus Dev.

@ Bit Twittered or should i just blog or get linkedin ?

I’m also feeling that with twitter’s m@instre@mis@tion it’s becoming a bit on the tired not wired side, even tho it is totally indispensable, but to be more specific and I might use one of those twitter 3rd party followers management tools in that when I look at new followers - I can’t help but feel a cynical quid pro quo which is doubled up if i do follow then get an autogenerated thku message that is meant to sound personal - New Twitter followers, which are no doubt increasing faster and faster : Often appear either slightly spammy, or part of the religious right or affiliate marketing world - Sometimes all three. All of which makes me wonder what is post twitter ? Plurk peaked and dropped quickly; Friendfeed is nice but socio-nerdy - I’d like something that’s a MySpace meets Twitter cross, any ideas ? If indeed social networks are like nightclubs, then where is the new hot place to be ? By extension, I’m also wondering if I should be spending more or less time blogging vs (more constructive possibly devils advocate ?) business/social networking on linkedin, facebook or twitter. In retrospect tho I’ve got alot of work via my blog… but proving that is very anecdotal. When I didn’t blog I got no work as well, which seems to support the blog is important thesis. Not to mention having to calculate the effect of lag. (ie blogging u do now generates work in 3 to 6 months and vice versa - not surprising that not having a blog from Sep 08 to late Dec 08 meant first time in 4/15 years with no work - previously i actually thought the blog had no impact either way on work - we’ll see in 3 months what impact current blogging has on bottom line) In effect : What is the optimal social media mix with an eye on $ecuring work ? That is indeed the $64K question, or as Francis Fukuyama said, is this indeed the End of History ?

Nice Crooks & Castles Highness Letterman Jacket - Cant Stop the Crooks as they say.

Extra Link : I had to laugh actually ROFL which is rare in my world at Duncan Riley’s latest pitch from PR groups + banking prospects, who as mentioned yday got schooled by Coles on how to contribute to the #bushfires and today I heard they want to, no scrap that, they will be charging $2 to check your balance at the ATM - unfnbelievable, anyway back to Dunc : “Got pitched last month to promote a new Australian banking product. They wanted to give me a $10 account in return for a post. Now besides the paid for post argument which can be left for another day, apparently $10 in the eyes of that PR firm at least is fair game for a blog with 1.5-2.5 million page views a month.”

When it's Winter + I have made all this money from using Twitter, Facebook and Linkedin productively instead of wasting my time blogging for no1's benefit, I will reward myself with this Crooks sweatshirt, but in grey which u can see if u click image - Cant believe well I can, that u cant buy CrooksnCastles in Australia. Check out Swedens Caliroots.com and Boston i think Karmaloop.com - both awesome brands, reasonable prices esp if u can get a sale or coupon, and deliver with a week to Australia for no unfair fees. Later, Im goin go be productive now, Promise!

Number of New Facebook Users = Number of US Jobs Lost (Daily)

Posted by Ben Barren on February 16, 2009 – 7:51 am

Filed under Recession

Chaotic Reflection by Kayvee Inc on Flickr.

Howard Lindzon is totally in the zone at the moment, riffing on the network effect of losers applied to Facebook, this is the perfect post to read before 9am on a Monday with the mantra of I will make money this week. Well I will implement tasks that lead to the increased likeliness of getting dollar$ $ooner rather than later. Back to Howard, I gotta go to Rye again (more petrol $) : “There is only one thing clear to me about Social networking as we tread deeper into 2009 - MISERY LOVES COMPANY! Facebook has surpassed 175 million social spammers and is growing by 600,000 people a day. I believe the 600,000 number is exactly equal to the amount of Americans losing their jobs daily. It explains my desire to spend less and less time on the networks of late. That said, it also is why I am more encouraged than ever.”

Commodore 64 Days by Disposable Hero on Flickr.

Nike Re-Release Kix of the Week : Nike Air Mowabb, aaagh the 1992 dayz. ACG line is having its 25 year anniversary this year - check the great feature in sneaker freaker 14 current issue (i had air escape 1992′, dans bro timmy had the mowabb)